15 Oct 2015
12 Reasons Why I'm Leaving NYC
- Cocktail bars and speakeasies are too popular in NYC, I find the dim lighting and romantic atmosphere tiring for my fluorescent-trained eyes.
- Due to a thriving startup culture and overall urge for companies to have smart design, designers are in high demand. We are making more money today than ever before. My whole life I assumed I would become a struggling designer and entrepreneur. New York is making it difficult for me to struggle and I’m actually becoming successful. Gross.
- It takes me 1hr 10min to commute to the nearest Hot Topic store.
- Friends and family won’t stop visiting me, forcing me to show them around the coolest spots in NYC. I’m tired of sharing my favorite places with the people I love.
- It’s difficult and expensive to keep a car in NYC, forcing me to walk everywhere. I don’t like getting a healthy dose of exercise daily.
- With over 35,000 restaurants and 2,600 bars. I’m tired of having so many choices.
- The creative community in New York is too generous, kind, and loving. They keep sharing their clients with me, giving me compliments and hugging me. I need to be in an environment where people are selfish and don’t touch me as often.
- There are over 8 million completely unique individuals here. The average person farts 14 times p/day. That makes 112,000,000 farts in NYC daily.
- There are too many day trips, weekend trips and getaways “conveniently” located near NYC. I need to live in a city where it’s physically, and mentally, harder to leave.
- My neighborhood in Brooklyn has too much “community” with its summer block parties, farmer’s markets and community gardens. My neighbors keep calling me by name. I’d prefer to be somewhere with 0 human interaction, perhaps a feral cat colony.
- The subways are too crowded. They’re full of people who voluntarily choose a more environmentally conscious way to travel and sometimes I have to touch those people in a crowded car.
- A regular iced coffee down the street is $4.25.
New York, I love you. I’m not leaving you.