Abinav is a Web/CRO consultant, web designer, developer and writer who grew up in Kathmandu, Nepal but is currently located in Darjeeling, India. He's passionate about helping startups and businesses create websites that can help them achieve high conversion rates and revenue.
When not working, Abinav runs http://crowthestone.com and likes going on microadventures out in the wild.
You can read his thoughts at @abinav_t
You are perfect!
I was just 17 when I started to get the idea of how worthless I was. I had been kicked out of two schools within four months. First one because I defended myself against teachers who believed that I was the source of all evil in the classroom. The second one just because I had tattoos. Dad kept telling me that I was a huge mistake and that I had ruined his life. Mom has and always will support me but she was far away most of the time due to work. I missed her like crazy during times like this.
I was grounded at home and wasn’t allowed to go out. I would just stay at home reading books, surfing the web and watching TV. It went on for two months and this only made it worst. I felt even more worthless and I sometimes felt that I just wasn’t meant to exist in this world. Sometimes I thought about ending the misery. But then I would remember how I still had such a long way to go and I wouldn’t let Mom down. Then one day I decided that I had had enough of this shit. I just packed some stuff, borrowed some money from a friend, left a note for dad, slipped out of the house and just walked without a direction. I didn’t know where I was going but I wanted to get as far away as possible.
I travelled to Darjeeling by bus that night. I am from Kathmandu, Nepal but have been in Darjeeling, India for a significant part of my life while I was studying. Darjeeling is also known as The Queen Of The Hills. Surrounded by mountains and natural beauty, this was the perfect place for me to somehow try to start a new life. I knew the money I had wouldn’t last me very long but I told myself that I would work something out. For more than three weeks I stayed at hotels, met up with friends, backpacked, went hiking, roamed around and had fun. I met many wonderful people around this time and went to places I had never been to before. I had a lot of family members including my grandmom in Darjeeling, but I decided to just stay out on my own as long as I could. It wasn’t just for fun. This was the first time I felt that I was perfectly fine the way I am. I felt that my life was worth something. I wasn’t worthless!
I realized that all this time that I was disappointed with who I am and what my life was, I was trying to be perfect. But the definition of perfect is different for my dad, my family and others. It’s completely different for me. I am gifted with this life. The world around me is beautiful. There’s no point in trying to be something else when we’re perfect as we are. We take this wonderful life for granted and strive to make ourselves better. We strive for having nicer things. We try to act and look great to others around us. But we need to realize that we don’t need any of that. We’re already perfect!
Once you realize and accept this, it frees you from the lie you have been living all this time. Suddenly, you are free to do things because you love it and not because you want to get better. Perfect is who you already are and not what someone else thinks you should be. Though this lesson has always been around, it took me a long time to realize. I finally felt alive after a long time of being hopeless and feeling worthless. I finally decided to go meet my grandma and other family members. It was really nice to be with them and be around people who cared for me. They were relieved to finally have found me after almost a month of looking around for me. This further proved that I was completely wrong about being worthless. These people really cared for me. And now that I knew that I was perfect the way I am, I wasn’t affected by people who told me otherwise.
I then met my wife for the first time while I was there and it was wonderful! We ran away and got married really young. I was just 18 and she was 20. But it’s been 5 years since our marriage now and we are really happy! I started working for a development firm after we got married and then went onto start my own firm which lasted for 2 years. And now I’m working freelance. Everything is perfect as it is and I know I am perfect! This makes me smile everyday. Life is a miracle on it’s own. Don’t take it for granted and always know that you are perfect the way you are!